Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize