just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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