Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
