He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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