I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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