why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
