It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
