I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
