There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
