guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
