his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
