I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
