i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
