it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
