It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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