Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
