it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
