I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
