My room smells like vodka and shame
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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