he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
