someone threw a dead crab at me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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