Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize