I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
