so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
