I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
