I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
