I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
