I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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