Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
