I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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