I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize