i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have tasted many bathrooms
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
