How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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