She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's blow job season.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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