dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
