WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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