It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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