He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
