i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
how do you play pong handcuffed?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
