Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
