Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
