so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize