this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
