Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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