my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
