"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
