At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
