you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
