I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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