I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
