Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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