i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
