Are we in a gay sports bar?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
