Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
