he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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