he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
