Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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