I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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