He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize