hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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