she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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