Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
