How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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