Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
