So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
