this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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