the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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