1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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