Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
