here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
