Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
