my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize