Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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