my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
