Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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