I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
