Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
