Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
